Sending Your Babies off to College

Parents, many of you have just sent your little baby off to college for the first time or are just about to. In honor of this, I thought it may be worthwhile to fill you in on just a glimpse of some the extremely stupid shit that I did in college while drinking or observed of others while they were drinking. At least what I can remember of it. I am guessing it will probably make your mind wander at bit if it hasn't already. Remember, a little independence and a good bit of alcohol can go a long way.

I came up with 40; these are in no particular order. Also, if you were there with me and recognize yourself in any of these congratulations.

1. I kissed girls I never would have had I been sober.
2. I fell on a beer soaked fraternity basement floor. I am guessing this happened more than once.
3. I watched someone get bit on the face by a boa constrictor. That was hilarious. What an asshole.
4. Drunk on the way to a formal, I fell into some bushes. Was pulled out by my date with help of my tie.
5. Rode with a keg and 12 other guys in the back of a Ryder truck from Penn State to the University of Kentucky. ( long story for another day.)
6. Had to account for a previous evening by looking at ink stamps on the back of my hand.
7. Once rooted through a girl's purse to find out her name after we had sex.
8. I saw someone drink a big swig from a beer filled with cigarette butts.
9. On a different night, I saw the same person pick a bong off the the table and drink from it.
10. I many times donned a Gumby suit for no particular reason.
11. On one special occasion, I woke up on my hall floor in said Gumby suit.
12. I got blow jobs from ugly girls I never would have talked to when sober.
13. I fell in mud on way to a party. I sure this happened more than once, possibly in that same night.
14. I saw a girl climb from one hotel balcony to another in order to get a better picture. This was on the 25th floor.
15. Caught one of my friends dancing with a bunch of girls with a gigantic hard on.
16. Caught same friend doing it again after he'd been humiliated for doing it the first time. Will forever be called the "Dancing Boner"
17. Had loud sex with other people in the room. Sound is apparently not deadened because it's dark.
18. Spent $80 on half price drinks with just one other person.
19. Rode with keg and 12 other guys in back of a Ryder truck from Penn State to the University of Tennessee. (also long story for another day)
20. Did "Walk of Fame" back from the dorms to where I lived, many times.
21. Laughed at girls doing the "Walk of Shame" back to the dorms, many times.
22. Hooked up with my roomate's girlfriend, not one of my finer moments. I know about 5 people are asking themselves, what that fucking me. It probably wasn't.
23. Passed out while formal date was giving me a blow job. She was not pleased to say the least.
24. Told date she would have to forcibly have sex with me if she wanted to because I was too drunk. She did.
25. Watched someone jump up and down on a telephone smashing it to bits in a drunken rage. I loved that phone.
26. Caught someone taking a crap in a urinal.
27. Watched roomates throw a refrigerator off third floor roof. It hit a tension wire for a telephone pole and almost knocked it down.
28. Threw up in a washing machine; seemed like a good idea at the time.
29. Found a guy passed out, buck naked, lying face down in a fraternity foyer with his driver's license and student ID stuck between his ass cheeks.
30. Had sex with ugly girls I never would have had I been sober. Do you see a theme here.
31. At a party, I ate a bunch of goldfish.
32. At same party, I watched a girl down 10 goldfish in one big beerbong.
33. A bunch of us watched a friend having sex with a girl from a balcony window.
34. He realized we were watching and pretended he was riding a bucking bronco in a rodeo.
35. Had sex in a sorority suite during normal business hours.
36. Saw girl in wheel chair passed out drunk, more than once. Same girl if you are wondering.
37. Got a tattoo at a trailer park in Florida while on spring break. Dodged a bullet in the disease department on that one.
38. Snuck out of someone's room because I didn't want to be there when they woke up.
39. Walked through a packed party in just my boxer shorts.
40. Stole sex tape of my friend's roomate and her boyfriend and showed it to easily 1000 people.

As I said, this is just a glimpse. I'll try and think of more and put them in another post. And this was over 10 years ago before digital cameras were main stream and girls kissing was cool. Oh yeah, if any of you have some good ones you'd like to share please do.