2005 Block Party

We've lived in our house for nearly nine years but on Saturday, the Carrotpenis clan attended our first neighborhood block party and what a hoot it was. For some background as to why this was only our first, the party used to be organized by this idiot woman in our neighborhood that everyone calls "Squirrel Turds". She is very overbearing and wants things to be very formal and just so. Since we were the second owners of our house, we were quickly forewarned by the neighbors that had been there before and graciously found a way out each and every year. While I understand the importance of a place and time for some dignity, a block party certainly isn't one of them.

Well this year there was a social coup in the neighborhood and two friends of mine, Cowboy and Fresh took over the organizing reins and crushed the Squirrel Turds' ideals of decorum and decency and brought it back to real White Trash family values. My kudos go out to them. We all had a great time. There was even a DJ and a bouncey house.

Here are some random observations from the festivities.

• There are few things that taste as good a ice cold beer from a keg and rented tap on a hot Summer day.
• Beer is still my friend. I stuck to beer for the entire party and was right there to the bitter end with the rest of the neighborhood power players. The Boy and I rolled in right around 1am. From prior experiences, I've learned that mixing cocktails and beer almost certainly gurantees an early evening for me.
• Fresh's wife has a mouth like a sailor when she has a few pina coladas in her.
• I learned that Cowboy's wife is a closet cigarette smoker.
• People that are normally OCD don't care as much after they've sucked down 5 or 6 jello shots. A woman I know is normally a freak about germs, but didn't blink and eye to ask me to taste her drink when I asked what she was having.
• Skip and Go Nakeds aren't just good at fraternity parties.
• There was a keg stand contest for a set of BBQ utensils and my performance was less than stellar. Some giant Polish guy went for 32 seconds to beat Cowboy's standing time of 30 seconds. I was only at a meager 15.
• I almost got into a tussle with above Polish guy because I refused to dance with his fat drunk Polish wife.
• Drinking and a bouncey house are really not a great combination.
• Dry ice bombs are really fucking loud. Recipe: dry ice, water, 2 liter soda bottle. Add first two ingredients to second, close cap and walk away. The bottle will get as big as a beach ball before it explodes.
• The neighborhood Playboy's hot blonde girlfriend isn't as good looking up close and in person.
• When the police showed up at 12:30, they said they could hear "The Roof is on Fire" from 3 blocks away and that there was no less than two complaints about the noise.