The Times They Are Definitely A Changin!

I guess it's time. I've been holding off on this little tidbit for quite awhile now, several weeks in fact. I don't know why've I waited actually. I think the majority of my closer friends that read this blog know already anyway. Well there's really no easy way to say it other than just being direct about it. Mrs. Carrotpenis and I have decided to part ways. Suffice to say, things were not working out. And with that said, this will be the last thing I will say about my personal relationship with her, the separation, the divorce, etc. Well that is of course unless there's something funny and non-insulting to her to write about; currently that would not be the case.

Special Note: If this is the first you've heard about this and believe you should have been given a personal update from me, I apologize profusely. But as you can imagine there's been a little stress in my life over the past few weeks and it has gone by like a blur.

So, moving on. I knew this blog would be therapeutic. I am feeling better already. I like to say, if you don't have something good to say about a situation, you might as well poke fun at it. If it's at your own expense all the better. Here are some things that I am really (with hint of sarcasm in my voice) looking forward to as I embark on my new life as "New and Improved Single Carrotpenis". These are not in any order of importance or rating.

1. Dating- I can actually put all my web surfing research of match.com for the VOR to work. See, in retrospect that wasn't a huge waste of countless hours of my time at work.

2. Sex with new exotic crazy single women in their midthirties. I firmly believe that people who are of my age and single are quite possibly that way for a reason not just choice. It's because, they are fucking nut jobs (present company possibly included). This sex thing is of course just theoretical at this point. I would actually have to find someone to have sex with me, but I am hopeful. See point number 1 above.

3. Eating at new and exciting restaurants like the McDonalds and White Castle!

4. Sitting in my underwear at home just about any time I want. Of course, this my be detrimental to points one and two.

5. My new digs. Am currently hoping that it isn't going to be a van down by the river.

6. Washing my own clothes. You can put everything in cold water, can't you?

7. Going to the grocery store and even worse yet, Walmart. Is there no end to the madness.

8. Decorating my own digs. That there deodorant tree sure does add a special touch to the van don't it.

9. Spending the Christmas alone watching Bad Santa eating Turkey TV dinners.

10. And last but not least, becoming a workaholic to cover off on the downtime when I don't have the kids, yeah right.

Best o' the Week from Overheard...

Someone got me reading Overheard in New York. People send in funny quotes they've heard around the city of New York. It is really hilarious reading. Check it out if you've got the chance. My pick for best of this week is the following:

Queer hipster: Oh my god! Some hobo just asked if I wanted to see his pubic wonderland!

Have a good one!

What's Hot and What's Not!

As I mentioned previously, I was looking for some new blogs to replace some of the outdated or underappreciated ones in the "Blogs I Dig" section. Well the first wave has happened.

What's Hot....
Check out Jennsylvania, very funny! Thanks Janice
Go Fug Yourself! An old favorite
Kill the Goat! One from my favorites list that I don't read often enough.
Demon Baby
Overheard in NY

What's Not...
Binky Boodle, An absolute disappointment. You should have kept posting on ChicksnBreasts.
Scary Personals
Urban Cougar
Topless Hotdog Entertainment

If you've got any others to check out, please shoot them along

Go Sox!!!

As promised here are the pictures of Cowboy's handy work at Jersey Girl's house....

Welcome Back, Jersey Girl! Go Red Sox!

Our friends Big Jim and Jersey Girl have been on a whirlwind 3 week vacation in the Eastern Bloc countries for the past few weeks. Well to be more exact, Jersey Girl was on a whirlwind vacation with the kids and Big Jim was living the bachelor life for two weeks joining them for the third week in London once they departed the Slavic regions.

Anyway, Jersey Girl is a huge New York Yankee's fan. When I mean huge, I mean rabid. Her house is constantly adorned with a Yankee's flag. She wears Yankee clothing, yadda, yadda, yadda. This in the land of Cubs and White Sox sticks out like a sore thumb.

Well as payback for a photoshopped picture of Cowboy in a goofy hat combined with a body in tight pants with the package showing posted everywhere at a family bbq a few weeks ago, there's a little welcome home present waiting for her today, Red Sox style. I hope to have a picture tomorrow. Let's just say, she's not going to be happy. Frying pan to the head anyone?

I'm in the Market for...

Some new blogs to read. I just ran through the Blogs I Dig section and realized it's time for an update. While a number of the them are still must reads for me, several are no longer posting (like I should talk) or just aren't doing it for me anymore. Have I possibly matured; that's really doubtful. If anyone reading has one they'd like to point me direction of, please feel free to do so. If you've read my posts, you know what types of things I like. If you haven't, you should there are some really good ones.