Went to the Cubs game the other night to watch them beat the Phillies. Had an awesome time. Hit Murphy's Bleacher before the game. Had a some delicious cold ones at the game with some great guys. Then we went to John Barleycorn after for a night cap. Lot's of very attractive women in Cubbies Blue, my kinda place. The game and festivities right up til 11pm were "off the hook". The ride home, not so much.
Here's where the train starts to get off the tracks so to speak. I had planned on catch the 11ish Metra train back to the burbs on the way home. But due to my selfdiagnosed ADHD or possibly severe mental retardation, I fucked up the time and ended up missing the 11ish train. This absolute brain fart set me on the curb for and hour and forty minutes waiting for the last train of the evening, the 12:40. The only saving grace was that I did get to relax against a rather comfy chain link fence while sitting on the concrete platform. Note to self, invent a bag chair that just pops out of my ass.
Well, if you think missing the train was the low point of the evening, then you'd be wrong. As luck would have it, the train was much more comfy than the sidewalk and fence. I know, big surprise. So comfy in fact, I thought it would be a good eye idea to rest my eyelids enroute to the glorious town of Grayslake. Again, bad idea, as I was brought out of my restful slumber by the delightful conductor lady telling me were in Round Lake which happens to be one stop past the one where my car was parked. To make matters worse and as I mentioned earlier this was the last train of the evening which pretty much leaves me fucked.
So, I did what all very tired and resourceful men would do at 1:40am in the morning; I called a cab. Did I call a reputable cab service (is that an oxymoron)? No, that would be the smart thing to do. I took the easy way out and called a cab from a generic looking business card stuck to the pay phone. When I call the guy that answers says he will be there in 10 or 15 minutes. This is apparently a lie. Because 30 minutes later, I call back to find out where the cab is. This time the guys says he will be there in 5 minutes. This too is a lie as it takes him easily another 20 minutes to show up. Finally, the cab get there after nearly 50 minutes of waiting, I'm not sure I can really call it a cab but it finally looks like I am in the home stretch.
The cab and I will use that term loosely is scary. It's a beat up white Dodge Caravan that looks like it may have been in a previous life used for artillery practice at a mortar range. There is no insignia on the vehicle that says it's a cab. The only sign real sign that it is a cab is that there is some scummy guy inside looking at me to get my ass inside. Due to extreme fatigue my serial killer sensors were clearly not working properly and I jumped aboard. The guy has a very strong accent; I know big surprise there. He's from central Europe, Polish or Czech would be my guess. As we pull out, I notice the meter is cranking at a pretty good pace but think nothing of it at first. A few minutes later we are two miles from the station and I look down and the meter already say $12.50. I start to get annoyed and question the driver about the insane rate. He tells me that it's $4.50 a mile and gives me some bullshit line about the price of gas being high. It is obvious to me that he's just taking advantage of the predicament that I am in but I continue on with the ride. About a mile and a half later, I look down and now the meter says $18.75 and I decide fuck this. I demand that the driver let me out of the cab. He pulls over and lets me out on the side of the road as I am nearly screaming at him about what bullshit this is.
This as it turns out is my fourth bad move of the night. As I start walking down the road, I realize that I am not nearly as close to the train station as I thought. So, to top off my delightful trip home, I get to hike my ass nearly two miles to get my car in the middle of the night on a dark deserted road.
So to recap, missed early train, fell asleep on train, took cab ride from hell and then hiked two miles. Clearly, I wronged someone somewhere. I finally got back to Carrotpenis Manor at 3am, four long arduous hours after the guys left me off at the train. Needless to say, I was a might tired at work the next day. Oh well, you live and you learn.
