The Times They Are Definitely A Changin!

I guess it's time. I've been holding off on this little tidbit for quite awhile now, several weeks in fact. I don't know why've I waited actually. I think the majority of my closer friends that read this blog know already anyway. Well there's really no easy way to say it other than just being direct about it. Mrs. Carrotpenis and I have decided to part ways. Suffice to say, things were not working out. And with that said, this will be the last thing I will say about my personal relationship with her, the separation, the divorce, etc. Well that is of course unless there's something funny and non-insulting to her to write about; currently that would not be the case.

Special Note: If this is the first you've heard about this and believe you should have been given a personal update from me, I apologize profusely. But as you can imagine there's been a little stress in my life over the past few weeks and it has gone by like a blur.

So, moving on. I knew this blog would be therapeutic. I am feeling better already. I like to say, if you don't have something good to say about a situation, you might as well poke fun at it. If it's at your own expense all the better. Here are some things that I am really (with hint of sarcasm in my voice) looking forward to as I embark on my new life as "New and Improved Single Carrotpenis". These are not in any order of importance or rating.

1. Dating- I can actually put all my web surfing research of match.com for the VOR to work. See, in retrospect that wasn't a huge waste of countless hours of my time at work.

2. Sex with new exotic crazy single women in their midthirties. I firmly believe that people who are of my age and single are quite possibly that way for a reason not just choice. It's because, they are fucking nut jobs (present company possibly included). This sex thing is of course just theoretical at this point. I would actually have to find someone to have sex with me, but I am hopeful. See point number 1 above.

3. Eating at new and exciting restaurants like the McDonalds and White Castle!

4. Sitting in my underwear at home just about any time I want. Of course, this my be detrimental to points one and two.

5. My new digs. Am currently hoping that it isn't going to be a van down by the river.

6. Washing my own clothes. You can put everything in cold water, can't you?

7. Going to the grocery store and even worse yet, Walmart. Is there no end to the madness.

8. Decorating my own digs. That there deodorant tree sure does add a special touch to the van don't it.

9. Spending the Christmas alone watching Bad Santa eating Turkey TV dinners.

10. And last but not least, becoming a workaholic to cover off on the downtime when I don't have the kids, yeah right.