Life continues to be crazy for me at both work and home. Until things calm down a bit, you are going to have to deal with these random bullet point lists...
- This is my first full week without "Boy Friday". I have quickly learned two things. One, Boy Friday's job sucks. And two, I need to hire someone really fucking fast before I start pulling all of my gray hair out.
- Wife's grandfather (Grandpa) of 91 is in town from Staten Island with his 80 year old Hussy Girlfriend, Pearl. Hussy Girlfriend only knows about three conversations. 1. How big her son's house is in Florida? 2. What a successful builder her son in FL is? 3. How beautiful her grandchildren are at their successful father's house in FL. Surprisingly, Hussy Girlfriend, whose a classic Jewish mother by the way, never ever mentions son's wife who is obviously in the picture. It may have something to do with them now being Seventh Day Adventists. The only good point of the whole thing is that you get to plan smartass responses before she even talks because she will inevitably hit on at least two of these subjects in a five minute conversation.
- Came outside at the inlaws house on Saturday and Grandpa was sitting in a lawn chair wearing tight shorts and a wife beater t-shirt. I almost gouged out my eyes.
- Was asked by third person in same day to get artwork for new hires' offices. Because obviously, I only have a list of 500 things to do and artwork is right on top of my business critical items. I am sure those people in New Orleans can wait an extra half day for me to get them their checks so that the people at HQ can have some knock off posters in their offices. Nearly did a performance art rendition of "Man Stomping on Co-Workers Face". Boy that would have felt really good. Note: Artwork is not delaying checks to the people in New Orleans; I was exaggerating a bit. I don't want Oprah crawling up my ass like she's doing to everyone else.
- Saw that yet another person put a suggestion in the Company Suggestion Box about people wearing capri pants which are in direct violation of the company casual dress policy. I think this is the fifth. I work with some real fucking idiots let me tell you. But this wasn't so much a suggestion as a personal attack on those who are violating the casual dress code policy and wearing Capri pants. My next suggestion box entry is going to be...To the pussies who are too afraid to confront people face to face and instead use the suggestion box as a sounding board for their personal pet peeves, please feel free to meet me in the lobby today at twelve noon for an open air discussion. You will be able to find me because I will be holding a baseball bat.
- Went to lunch at OCB with Asshole Lawyer and told him Grandpa and Hussy Girlfriend story. He then proceeds to ask me if I've heard them having sex. I was immediately nauseated by mental image and almost threw up my taco salad on nearby blue haired mah jong players.
- Tonight, we went out to dinner with Grandpa and Hussy Girlfriend. Hussy Girlfriend returned her salad because the waiter spilled the dressing onto the salad when bringing the plates over. Then when waiter brought back a new salad, Hussy Girlfriend proceeded to dump the same exact salad dressing all over the salad right in front of the waiter. Classic.
- Summer Hours ended last week and we are now back to working full day Fridays. This Friday will seem like easily the longest day of the year. If anyone is interested, we'll be having bourbons on the rocks, I'm thinking Jim Beam Black may be nice, in my office starting at about 3:30pm.
Okay, since I had minimal response to my hump day sex question of last week, we'll try something different this week. If you been reading for awhile, you know that idiotic suggestions to my company's suggestion box have been the lead topic on more than a few posts. If not look through the archives, there's some good shit there. Anyway, for the next week or so, I will accept potential suggestion box entries from you for me to put into my company's suggestion box. The best one wins and I will actually put it into the box and then put the response into a subsequent post if and when it is answered. Tell you what, I'll even throw in a small prize to the winner. I am sure that the Mick can find something in his prize vault that I can send to you. That is if he's not too busy playing phone bitch. The Mick will keep me honest on this one too. One disclaimer though, I enjoy working for the company that I do and question the actual anonymity of the suggestion box entries. So, while I am happy to laugh at inappropriate suggestions, they may not make the cut, but feel free to be creative. If this goes well, I may make this a monthly gig.
