Vegas Recap!

Well since I didn't dive right in and do a post about this the moment I got back, I am guessing you already knew that my Vegas trip was pretty tame. Here are some random highlights anyway...

• Probably the highlight of the trip, and this is pretty sad, was watching this prostitute and her 300lb 60 year old Asian John playing roulette. She had to have won $10,000 just in the few minutes that I was standing there. She then was nice enough to do this jump up and down dance much to the delight of onlookers, myself included, throughout the casino.
• Discovered that Lions are probably the laziest fucking animals ever. The MGM has this glassed in lion display. No matter what time of the day or night that you wandered past the enclosure those damn things were sleeping with the nuts hanging out all over the place. You'd think they could train them to eat Siegfried or something fun like that.
• Discovered that having boobs is directly proportional to the view of your hotel room. Me with no tits, worth mentioning at least, gets a fantastic view of the back alley. Boobed members of our entourage get a fantastic view of the strip. Go figure.
• Saw a man child on all fours bark like a dog for drinks at Coyote Ugly just to have some ugly bitch pour peach schnaaps down his throats; damn I miss those days.
• Discovered that in Vegas it's perfectly acceptable to smoke a cigarette and drink Bud Light from a can at 6:30 in the morning while waiting for your Egg McFucking Muffin in line at Mickey D's. It certainly made my Egg McFucking Muffin all the more delicious, let me tell you.
• A final highlight of my little trip was winning back just about all that I lost the previous two nights by playing three hands of blackjack instead of going to my 8 o'clock meeting on time. Let me save face with The Wife by not having to tell her I lost a bundle.

Well gotta run, we're still sprucing up the trailer so we can move into that double wide. There's a paint brush a callin.