Law Firm Shenanigans...

This is an actual email exchange from a law firm that I do business with. It is utterly hilarious. I've changed the names to protect the innocent...Start from the bottom, it's much funnier that way.

-----Original Message-----
From: Asshole Lawyer 3
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 12:04 PM
To: Facility Girl; Asshole Lawyer 1; Asshole Lawyer 2
Subject: RE: Emergency Response Team

Personally, I find all of these shenanigans irresponsible.

-----Original Message-----
From: Asshole Lawyer 2
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 12:01 PM
To: Facility Girl; Asshole Lawyer 1
Cc: Asshole Lawyer 3
Subject: RE: Emergency Response Team

I'm working from home today, but will look into the email situation when I am back in the office on Thursday. As you no doubt will understand after reading Asshole Lawyer's email, I am currently trying to avoid making any commitments to the firm that extend beyond a two week period.

Regards,

Asshole Lawyer 2

-----Original Message----- From: Asshole Lawyer 1
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 11:58 AM
To: Facility Girl
Cc: Asshole Lawyer 2; Asshole Lawyer 3
Subject: RE: Emergency Response Team

Facility Girl:

Clearly, Asshole Lawyer 2 came into my office and sent from my computer the e-mail indicating I would be willing to serve on your rescue squad. I think you should find someone else besides me. If some emergency were to actually occur here, the only emergency response plan I intend to effect is called "Lookie Outie for Numero Uno." I plan to run out of this place so fast you'll need extra rescue team members just to pick up the old ladies I knock over in my escape. I'll be standing outside on the street with a venti, extra shot, easy vanilla latte from Starbucks before your team members even have their cute little orange vests put on. You know that guy on the Titanic that got into the life raft before all the women and children? That's me.
I think Asshole Lawyer 2 just nominated himself by sending you the false message. I recommend you use him to fill whatever position requires him to stay behind and fight the flames before they get to our files. I know that could be very dangerous and put his life at stake, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Asshole Lawyer 1

-----Original Message-----
From: Facility Girl
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 11:37 AM
To: Asshole Lawyer 1
Subject: RE: Emergency Response Team

THANKS!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Asshole Lawyer 1
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 11:17 AM
To: Facility Girl
Subject: RE: Emergency Response Team

I will

-----Original Message-----
From: Facility Girl
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 11:07 AM
To: Entire Law Firm

Subject: Emergency Response Team
Importance: High

Your floor is looking for a few more volunteers for the Emergency Response team. This is very important for your safety as well as others in the event of an emergency. Please let me know if you are willing to volunteer.