Black Friday! Last Day of the Metra Bar Car

I knew this day was coming at some point but shit it's finally here. After Friday, there will be no Bar Car on the Metra. It's honestly going to be a sad sad day. For the past 13 years, almost day in and day out, I have sat in the Bar Car on the way home from work. Typically, I have a cocktail but some days I just like to people watch. Well I guess it's is time for last call so to speak.

Without the Bar Car, I wouldn't have met some really great people I now call friends. You all know who you are. I've also thoroughly enjoyed the cast of charaters on train every day. You know the people that you never really knew their name but if you said their nickname others would instantly know who they were, i.e. Grayslake Steve, Doc, Kermit, Thunder Dan, Handsome Tom,

The Bar Car has been the subject matter of many a blog post too. From Kermit's bag of chips to the drunk construction workers. There's never a dull moment there. It's also a hotbed of gossip. Who's having a train affair with whom? Who's dating? Who's on the wagon? And Who's off the wagon?

Good bye good friend; it's been real.

Nice Parking at the Grayslake Metra Station!

Drunk Construction Workers on the Metra!

Only in Illinois....

Can you have a car held together by duct tape. The Boy and I spotted this winner at the Jewel in Round Lake yesterday. Growing up in NJ where they had annual safety inspections, you rarely saw vehicles like this on the road; unless they had Illinois plates I suppose. Since all they care about here is emissions, anything can suffice for a motor vehicle. Who cares about carbon monoxide gas when the car in front of you turns to dust when it hits a big bump.

Ugh!!! What was I thinking...

I am seriously starting to rethink this volunteering for VBS gig that I've gotten myself into this week. That's Vacation Bible School for those of you not in the know. This is week one of three weeks with the kids all to myself this summer. I love being able to spend some quality one on one time with them. Them not living with me 24/7 is easily the worst part of the whole divorce. As such, they are participating in VBS at our church. The Girl is in the drama and helping out with pre-k gym. The Boy is being just that a boy along with other shamefully awkward 10 year old boys being taught to dance and sing to christian rocks songs. And he's further hindered by the fact that he clear got his sense of rhythm from me. Can anyone say "white man's overbite"?

Anyway, because I either wanted to spend more time with them (my kids that is) or I am making up for my sins of the past year, I volunteered to work at VBS for the entire week. I figured how hard could it be anyway. You have cute kids and their hot moms hanging out out in the sun for an entire week. Well I better have locked up my spot in heaven because I clearly drew a bad card here. Am I hanging out with the hot moms playing with silly string and eating snacks on my 45 minute break. No, I am running the song lyrics on Powerpoint for the entire time without even hardly a bathroom break while they teach song and dance moves to various age groups. This means I have to listen to the same 4 or 5 songs played in little snippets and parts for 3 hours straight with little or no downtime. If I have to hear that fucking "Power" song one more time, I may strangle that little lightning bolt character they're using as a mascot. The other one that make me want to slit my wrists is written to the tune of the "Banana Boat" song but with a religious theme. It also doesn't help that I drink about 25 cups of coffee to keep myself from falling asleep while I do it. So, I am not only exhausted but also very jittery to boot from all of the caffeine.

The only people that possibly have it worse than me are the group who have to actually sing and play the songs. At least what they are doing takes talent and skill. I am just at button pusher and not even a very good one at that. Being slightly ADD, the moment I look away from the screen I lose track of where we are in the song and have do a major scan of the song to see if I am just one page off or ten. It's like a firedrill every time I do it. Well, at least the kids are having fun. Sure, they get to jump, sing and dance. Plus, they only listen to the songs like four times not four hundred. Dear Lord, please give me the patience to make it through the next three days.

Lesson for the Day...

I learned a new phrase that pays yesterday. Well, I'm not so sure that it's a phrase as much as it is a descriptive adjective. But who the hell wants to see the Descriptive Adjective that Pays in the title. It's just not the same. Well that's neither here nor there.

So, the descriptive adjective that pays is Twat Waffle. Yep, you read it correctly, Twat Waffle. I think it's kind of catchy. All the kids will be saying it shortly; kind of like a replacement for Douche Bag, a phrase you can't say enough. There are so many douche bags in the place I can't even count.

I think before starting to use a catch phrase or catch descriptive adjective as one might say that you know the proper definition. So, I did what every good person does these days, I Googled, Twat Waffle. And lo and behold, I am apparently behind the times because I got 15,600 hits. What the fuck did we do before the great almighty Oz, I mean Google? You can be misinformed so much more quickly in this day and age; it's just amazing.

Okay back to the task at hand, I checked the Urban Dictonary and there appears to be some conflicting ideas on exactly what a Twat Waffle is but I picked a couple I liked and I thought were probably accurate.

1.) a vagina that is so shriveled up that it looks like a defrosted waffle.
Note: I am guessing this may have been the origination of the word.

2.) a foolish, inept, or unattractive person.
Note: I am guessing this is how people started to use the term and I know some of these people.

3.) someone who you find in extreme annoyance.
Note: This is how I am going to use it and I know lots of these people.

Suggested uses:

Mick, stop being such a Twat Waffle.
That Rusty guy from soccer is a huge Twat Waffle.

See it is catchy. Well that's my lesson for today kids. Next time tune if for my lesson on Backhanded Compliments. Where you say something nice to someone when you really mean to say that they are such a Twat Waffle. It's fun trust me.

8 Random Things....

Was trying to come up with a longer post but I'll try and dazzle you with some random highlights...

• Watched the Golden Compass on DVD recently with kids. Visually, it was stunning and Nicole Kidman is smoking hot in it. That said, the complete bullshit cliffhanger ending was horrible. I understand there's going to be another movie or two but this isn't Lord of the Rings. I felt like I got fucked in the ass without the reach around. Even The Girl wasn't buying into the hype.


• Actually won a freaking adult soccer game. It's about time too, I can't stack the team any more than I already have. I've gone from one of the better male players on the team to easily the worst. It was doubly satisfying because we beat a team that I can't standing. Well just one person in particular.


• Went to my 5th Cubs game vendor boondoggle of the season. This one was in super skybox. There's few things better than a day at Wrigley. Cold beer, hot girls, good times! It was made all the better by the fact that the vendor provided a bus from Gurnee Mills to the game and back. I also won $17 playing Ship, Captain, Crew on the bus. Whoo Hoo!


• Just finished The Kite Runner. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am betting that may be a "Man Card" violation.


• Female Fashion tip for the week- if you have fat calves, don't wear high boots even if they're black. They aren't flattering even though your friends tell you they are; they're liars.
• Male fashion tip for the week- If you are starting to bald on top but not on the sides and front, cut your hair really short or better yet shave your head. That munk look is so 13th century.
• Left Stupid Cat outside all night in hopes that he would be kidnapped by racoons or carried off by a hawk; no such luck there.
• Mowed front lawn the other night so that my house is not the blight of the neighborhood. Thank the Lord that I have a fence and people can't see the back yard.