Buyer Beware...

As I mentioned in my prior post, the guy that purchased our house is a real prick. We've tried to be very fair during the whole negotiation but he clearly gets his rocks off by being as difficult as possible. Well now he's gone and pissed me off (see previous post) and I am now plotting ways to secretly make him sorry he was such a dickhead during the whole ordeal...Here are a few random ideas I'm thinking of. Let me know if you can think of anything devious to spring on him after he takes possession of his dream home.

1. I've further developed the retarded girl idea of from my last post and decided to tell her that they are huge Patrick Swayze fans and that his wife's name is Christina just like the other two in the neighborhood. That will gurantee she will stop by just about every time she rolls past on her bike.

As some back up information, there is a 300lb mentally challenged girl that rides her bike incessantly through our neighborhood. She only knows two primary conversations. One about Patrick Swayze and one about the two Christina's that live in our neighborhood. She traps anyone that makes eye contact with her and talks about whichever one happens to be on her mind at the time. I used to feel sorry for her but after listening to these two converstations about a thousand times, the shine has worn off that apple. I now run in the garage and hide when I see her coming. I'm a pussy, I know. A favorite game of mine is to not tell the wife that she's coming and quietly slip away. She is then forced to talk about the two Christina's. Damn I am going to miss that one when we move.

2. I'm contemplating not cleaning up all the dog shit that has been accumulating in back since there was snow on the ground. I'm thinking that will be an added treat fun the first time he mows the grass.

3. This one is a given but I'm just tickled by imagining the first time he hears the smoke alarm go off when the oven hits around 400 degrees. This happen just about every time you cook with the temp that high. Hey bud, it's breaker number 5 in the box. I know it well.

4. I am going to conveniently forget to remove the yellow jacket nest in the cross post of the swing set.

5. I am going to remove all of the wiring for the cable TV in the garage. That fucker doesn't deserve to watch the Cubs and drink beer in the garage with his buddies. He'll just have to be responsible and watch his kids in the driveway.

6. I'm not going to remove that nasty hair plug from the drain in the upstairs bathroom before we leave. In a few months, when the shower starts to drain slowly, he'll be forced to picked the wadded up greasy ball of my pubes out of the hair trap. I think this one may be the most satisfying for me. (TMI perhaps?)

Well on that note, I am going to get back to work. If you can think of any other ways to fuck this guy over without overtly screwing up the close, please let me know